


I'll do better

by SamExists



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Gen, How Do I Tag, I have no idea, There is no happy ending here people, it ends where Infinity War does I'm sorry, mentions of other characters but I only tagged the two because they are the important ones
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-27
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2019-05-14 05:31:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14763557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SamExists/pseuds/SamExists
Summary: Tony Stark's thoughts about Peter Parker from when they met in Captain America: Civil War to the end of Avengers: Infinity War. Inspired by the song "Light" by Sleeping At Last.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfiction, so I really have no idea what I'm doing. Constructive criticism is welcome, but please be nice! 
> 
> The quotes in this chapter are all from Captain America: Civil War. The song lyrics at the end also do not belong to me, they are from the song Light by Sleeping At Last (which you should definitely listen to, here's the link to a lyric video on YouTube  
> < https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7egYKkIKqDs >.

 

        Tony sighs, resting a hand on his chest. He understands where Steve is coming from, he really does. Steve wants to protect Barnes, and he sees some big issues with the Accords, which are definitely there. However, Tony really believes that going along with the UN and figuring out the specifics later is their best bet at this point, to make sure no one else gets hurt because of them. He’s still not looking forward to having to go after Rogers and the others, though, especially on this timeframe.

  
_“I have an idea.”_

 _“Me too. Where’s yours?”_  
  
_“Downstairs… Where’s yours?”_

 

His idea is in Queens. His idea involves bringing a presumably-superpowered kid he found in a YouTube video to a fight. His idea could go wrong in any number of ways, but Tony is out of time and out of options. The kid’s clearly got super strength at least, if that YouTube video is anything to go by. Tony’s been keeping tabs on him, waiting to see if he should see if the kid wants (or needs) to join the Avengers. He thought it wasn’t time (he still thinks it isn’t time), but desperate times are upon them. He’ll keep an eye on the boy, and make sure he doesn’t get hurt. It’ll be fine. Rogers and the others won’t be trying to hurt them, just get past them. Right?

 

_“When you can do the things that I can, but you don’t, and then the bad things happen… they happen because of you.”_

 

        This kid is something else. Spider-Man, huh? Spider-themed suit, chemically created webs and all, a rightful friendly neighbourhood vigilante… child. His intentions are so damn sincere, though, and he makes it all sound oddly simplistic. This is a fifteen-year-old kid with a better moral compass than Tony had at 35, and Tony honestly has no idea what to think or do. He wonders if Peter Parker would be on his side if he had been a part of the Avengers before this whole mess. He isn’t sure.

  
_“Hey Mr. Stark, what should I do?”_  
  
_“What we discussed. Keep your distance. Web ‘em up.”_

  
        Panic flares up in Tony’s chest. The kid went down, what if he got hurt? Please don’t let Peter Parker get added to the seemingly never-ending list of people severely injured or killed because of him. That could be a weight on his conscience that is too heavy to bear. Why did he bring a child to a fight? Even one between Avengers, people who… used to be friends. They didn’t seem to be pulling their punches as much as Tony had anticipated. He forces himself to hold it together, just for a few more seconds. He has to be sure that the kid is ok.  
  
  
_“You’re done.”_ __  
__  
_“Mr. Stark, wait! I’m not done, I’m not… Okay, I’m done.”_  
  
  
        Later, while he is stuck, alone and freezing, in Siberia, Tony thinks about Peter Parker (among other things, but he would rather think about Peter than the more unsavoury things he could be thinking about). He thinks about how the kid talked about being a hero like it was the obvious path for him to take. Tony realizes that if he has learned anything about Peter from their brief interactions, it’s that the kid won’t stop, even if - _when_ \- it gets incredibly dangerous. And so, he decides that he will try to help Peter Parker. He knows what it’s like to try to be a hero and make mistakes that feel like they are insurmountable. Tony Stark will do everything he can to make sure Peter Parker grows into a hero with far fewer regrets than him. He’ll do better.  
  
  
_“I’ll give you everything I have_ __  
_I’ll teach you everything I know_ __  
_I promise I’ll do better”_ __  
\- Light by Sleeping At Last  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick notes about the timeline: I think that after fighting Steve and Bucky in Siberia, Tony was probably stuck there for a bit until he managed to repair the arc reactor (or steal a plane?) or something. I also think that the scene that happens at the beginning of Spider-Man: Homecoming with Peter and Tony in the car was after Tony made it back from Siberia (which is important for chapter 2). I don't know if either of these things are proved or disproved in canon, but this is how I think it goes. 
> 
> There are two more parts which I will post soon, probably within the next few days. Follow me on Tumblr if you want, my blog is samexists. Comments are appreciated!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2: Also known as the Spider-Man: Homecoming chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The quotes between paragraphs are from Spider-Man: Homecoming this time.

        When Tony makes it back from Siberia, he takes Peter home personally. It’s the least he can do. After a while, the kid pulls out his phone to do a video-diary type thing, and Tony’s heart squeezes, overwhelmed by how excited Peter is. How going on a mission is a grand adventure the boy wants to document, rather than a terrible, exhausting burden. There was a time when Tony mostly enjoyed missions as well, even though they were difficult. He had had a team, and they were doing something that would save people, so in a way it was satisfying. Now he hasn’t felt that satisfaction in years, and sometimes he’s no longer sure how much they are helping. So when Tony tells Peter that he can keep the suit, and the boy looks at him with shining eyes, he vows to make sure Peter never loses the thrill of feeling like a hero.   
  
  
_ “Don’t do anything I would do. And definitely don’t do anything I wouldn’t do. There’s a little grey area in there, that’s where you operate.” _   
  
  
        Helping Peter Parker ends up proving to be more difficult than Tony had originally thought. First of all, the kid never stops! He’s out being Spider-Man every single day after school, and every day Happy gets a voicemail detailing everything he did. Tony has the voicemails sent to him, and he listens to them all. They’re always so optimistic, and on some days that gives him hope. On other days, he is terrified of the day when Peter’s innocence will be lost. He wishes the world would be kind, and let Peter continue to rescue stolen bicycles and give directions to nice ladies who buy him churros to thank him, but he knows all too well that it won’t last. There’s too much evil in the world, and the kid is too determined to help to stay on the ground for very long. Tony had wanted to give Peter what little guidance he could provide on the road to being a hero, but now he just wants him to be safe.   
  
  
_ “Can’t you just be a… friendly… neighbourhood Spider-Man?” _ __  
__  
_ “But I’m ready for more than that now!” _ __  
__  
_ “No, you’re not.” _ __  
  


        Great. Just great. Now the kid’s gotten himself mixed up in stopping people making illegal weapons out of alien technology. And yeah, these guys are below the Avengers’ pay grade, like he’d said before, but they are definitely above Spider-Man’s. Spider-Man’s jurisdiction ends around rescuing cats from trees and stopping garden-variety, non-alien-technology-assisted bank robbery. If he’s lucky. Tony told Peter to stay out of it from now on, but he also knows that he probably won’t, so he’ll just hope in vain that Peter finds some sense under all his reckless feelings of responsibility. He doesn’t know what he can possibly do to make the boy stay out of it.   
  
  
_ “I just wanted to be like you.” _ __  
__  
_ “And I wanted you to be better.” _ __  
  
  
        Tony had suspected something like that was going to happen. There was no way Peter was going to stay out of it for long. He thinks that taking away the suit was the right thing to do, but he’s not sure. Honestly, he is very lost. How does one provide guidance to a teenage superhero? It’s better for the boy to understand consequences by not having his suit than it is for him to learn the hard way if someone ends up dead, but will taking the suit away be enough to deter him? Peter is still a child, and as much as Tony wants him to be a great hero someday, he wants him to get to have the rest of his childhood more. He wants him to get the chance to be young, and slightly irresponsible, and not get himself killed before he turns sixteen for crying out loud! Most days, Tony wishes he’d never brought Peter to Germany at all. Maybe then it would have taken him longer to get himself into trouble bigger than stopping bus crashes.    
  


  
_ “Last chance. Yes or no?” _ __  
__  
_ “No.” _ __  
  


        The level of maturity just demonstrated by Peter Parker is somewhat unprecedented. Tony is very impressed, and proud, proud of this wonderful kid who might never stop surprising him. I mean, yeah Tony wanted Peter to join the Avengers, but it’s definitely much more mature of him to stay on the ground for now. At least until he’s an adult. And in hindsight, taking away Peter’s suit was definitely not a good idea, since it just made him fight the Vulture in his onesie “suit”, instead of discouraging him. The thought of Peter in that fight wearing what are basically pyjamas, with no protection, makes Tony’s heart race with anxiety. He has to stop for a minute and focus on breathing to avoid a panic attack. He really should have seen that coming, Peter is too stubbornly determined to be discouraged by having his fancy suit taken away. Tony won’t do something like that again. He’s going to give Peter his suit back (the one from before, that is; he will save the Iron Spider for a more high-profile situation), and from there? He supposes he will have to try to help and protect the boy without being too overbearing.    


  
  
_“I will always hold you close_ __  
_But I will learn to let you go_ __  
_I promise I’ll do better”_ _  
_ __\- Light by Sleeping At Last

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another alternative title for this chapter: Tony Stark struggles with parenting (haha). But seriously, he definitely didn't really know what he was doing in homecoming (which isn't a criticism of him; it's not like he has kids, he wouldn't know what to do. He was learning too). 
> 
> Also, I think that Peter probably downplayed the fight with the Vulture at first when he talked about it with Tony/Happy/other Avengers personnel, so while Tony knows he got hurt, I don't think he knows all the details at this point (like maybe not the building part). Just a thought.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Infinity War chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The quotes/the order of events in this chapter might be a little less accurate than in the previous chapters because I have only seen IW once, and there were a couple clips that I couldn't find on YouTube to look at for reference. 
> 
> All the quotes from this chapter are from Avengers: Infinity War.

        Tony had been having a pretty good morning. He’d woken up from a slightly longer, slightly more nightmare-free, sleep than usual, and then he went jogging with Pepper. He even worked up the courage to bring up the conversation about kids! Granted, in a bit of a roundabout, confusing way, but he still did it. However, after that, a wizard showed up through some sort of portal (Tony hadn’t even been particularly surprised by that, how weird was his life?), so his day took a turn for the worse. The wizard started talking about some kind of emergency, and then Bruce showed up, because he’s apparently back now (that  _ was _ surprising, but much more welcome. He’d missed Bruce). Turns out the aforementioned emergency was that some alien guy named Thanos was coming to enact some evil plan of his. Basically his greatest fear, the thing he’d been dreading for years, coming true. Fantastic.   
  
  
_ “Mr. Stark, it smells like a new car in here!” _

_ “Happy trails kid. FRIDAY, send him home.” _

_ “Oh, come on!” _   
  


  
        Tony’s now ended up on a spaceship. Heading to who knows where, where he will encounter… Thanos, probably. That’s his luck. If he lets himself stop and think about it, he will probably have the worst anxiety attack of his life, but he’s not going to do that. He has to keep going and do his best to take the fight away from Earth. At least he managed to send Peter back. He may be seventeen now, as opposed to fifteen, but he is still not allowed to come to space to fight a crazy alien on what will probably be a one-way trip. The kid will be safer on Earth. He can help clean up New York from the damage caused by this ship, if he must, or better yet maybe he’ll just stay out of it all (wishful thinking).   
  
  
_“Yeah, uh, speaking of loyalty.”_ __  
__  
_“What the…”_ __  
__  
_“I know what you’re gonna say,”_ __  
__  
_“You should not be here!”_ __  
  
  
        Peter Parker is an idiot. Who stows away on a spaceship that could be going anywhere and is definitely going somewhere dangerous? That is not a smart choice (part of Tony’s brain tells him that’s pretty much exactly what he just did. He tells that part of his brain to shut up because at least he’s not a seventeen-year-old kid!). Peter being there has made his already ridiculous level of anxiety skyrocket. He may end up being helpful (his pop culture influenced plan to save Doctor Strange might actually work), but Tony definitely doesn’t need to be worrying about him on top of everything else. However, Peter being there has changed at least one other major thing in Tony’s (barely-formed) plan. This can no longer be a one-way trip, at least not for all of them. Peter has to make it back.  
  
  
_“Okay kid, you’re an Avenger now.”_  
  
  
        So, yeah, he told Peter that he’s an Avenger now. Isn’t everyone, at this point? Tony wishes Peter actually becoming an Avenger could have been more meaningful or important, just because it feels like it should have been. However, Tony isn’t even sure what it means (or what it’s worth) to be an Avenger anymore, so maybe it’s not too much of a loss. Anyway, in regards to their current situation, some random aliens and some dude from Earth who doesn’t seem to have been on Earth in decades showed up, so maybe they have back-up of some kind now? He’ll take pretty much anything at this point, make them all Avengers for goodness sake. How the hell is he going to get Peter out of this?   
  
  
_“I went forward in time, to view alternate futures. To see all the possible outcomes of the coming conflict.”_ __  
__  
_“How many did you see?”_ __  
__  
_“14 000 605.”_ __  
__  
_“How many did we win?”_ __  
__  
_“One.”_ __  
  
  
        Apparently the odds of them winning almost couldn’t get worse if they tried. 1 in 14 000 605, really?  At least they do kind of have a plan now, and it’s probably as good as a plan that involves fighting a Titan who wants to kill half the universe can get. Now they’ve just got to wait until said Titan shows up, then try really hard not to die. Tony knows he will die if necessary, however. If it helps to save the universe, or anyone, then he’ll do it, no question. But he will not let Peter die. Not today, not while he’s still alive.  
  
  
_“Did we just lose?”_ __  
__  
_“...”_  
  
  
_Did_ they just lose? Tony has no idea. They can’t have, come on, the Avengers don’t lose. No matter how hard it gets or how much they lose _personally,_ they always manage to save the majority from any imminent threats to their existence (even though those they don’t manage to save always seem to stand out more than those they do). Whatever just happened, there’s not a whole lot they can do about it now. They just have to keep going. What Tony does know is that he’s been stabbed (and the stuff he’s put to close the wound isn’t going to fix the problem, just tide him over for a bit, but that’s not important right now), and Thanos got the Time Stone (nice one, Strange, your weird future-vision had better be right about this). So yeah, not looking good. Thanos has probably gone to Earth now, since the only stone he didn’t have on the gauntlet was the Mind Stone… The other Avengers had better have found Vision and gotten him somewhere safe.   
  
        Whatever is happening, there isn’t much use in staying on Titan now. Tony is about to ask the others if they have any ideas for how to get out of there when he hears a sound from behind him. He hurriedly turns around and watches in horror as the alien with the antennae (Mantis? That might be her name) turns to dust. Followed by the guy with all the tattoos (Drax?), then Quill, and finally Strange. Just before he disappears, Strange tells him there was no other way (which Tony isn’t sure he believes). Tony only has a second to feel shocked and sad, then relieved (and slightly guilty about feeling relieved) that Peter seems to be okay, before he hears him.  
  
  
_“Mr. Stark? I don’t feel so good.”_  
  
  
        No.  
  
  
_“You’re alright.”_  
  
  
        Peter’s alright. He’s just feeling the others, right? With his spidey-senses or whatever? He’s not… he won’t…   
  
  
_“I don’t… I don’t know what’s happening. I don’t know, save me, save me.”_  
  
  
        Oh no, no, no. Not Peter, please no. Take him instead, please, please take him before the kid ( _his_ kid). What can he _do_? How can he save Peter?  
  
  
_“I don’t wanna go, I don’t wanna go, Mr. Stark, please. Please, I don’t wanna go, I don’t wanna go.”_  
  
  
        Peter is starting to turn to dust right in front of him, and Tony is helpless. He can’t save Peter, _he doesn’t know how_. He lowers Peter to the ground as his legs disappear and he can no longer stand. He wants to say something, anything, to comfort the kid (the kid, he’s just a kid, this isn’t _fair_ ), but he can’t find any words. He wants to tell Peter how sorry he is (it’s his fault, it’s all Tony’s fault), but he can’t make a sound. So he watches in silence as the boy slips away.  
  
  
_“I’m sorry.”_  
  
  
        Tony’s hands are covered in ash, and Peter Parker is gone. Why didn’t he turn the spaceship around when he had a chance, or at least make sure Peter made it back to Earth? Maybe that way… Peter would have been okay. Now the kid is _dead_ because of him, and Tony never even told him he was sorry. He didn’t say a damn thing as the kid who had become so important to him over the last two years died in his arms. He should have done something to stop it. The words he spoke months ago hang in the air, in the place of the words he should have said to Peter before it was too late.  
  
  
_“And if you died… I feel like that’s on me.”_  
  
  
        Tony can’t get up. He’s sure there’s a fight somewhere, something that Iron Man needs to do to help salvage the half of the universe that’s left. But all he can do is sit and be crushed under the weight of his grief and guilt. He wanted Peter to do better than him, and did he ever do good. He is - _was_ \- such a brave, selfless kid. But Tony… He promised he would do better too, and he failed. He got Peter Parker killed. That’s on him.   
  
  
_“Cause you are loved_ __  
_You are loved more than you know”_ __  
__\- Light by Sleeping At Last  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's the end. Thank you for reading! :) 
> 
> I'm not 100% sure if Peter actually says "save me, save me" in That Scene, but there's a lot of scuffling after he says he doesn't know what's happening and it kind of sounds like he does, so I put that. There is also one quote from Spider-Man: Homecoming in this chapter too, which also is not mine, but I didn't want to put this in the note at the beginning (spoilers, you know? haha). 
> 
> (I have so many feelings about how Tony must have felt at the end of IW)


End file.
